6 good ways to break up with your girlfriend

Let’s say you’re in the situation were things don’t really go as well as you would wish with your girlfriend or spouse. What can you do? Here’s a good tip for you. Actually 6 of them.

Number 1

Call you’re girlfriend on the phone and say with a really serious tone of voice : Honey..we need to talk!!. Ask her if she’ll meet you for o coffee in a coffee shop or in a really public place filled with people.   Be late for 15 or 20 minutes. Don’t answer the phone when she’ll call you to find out why you are late. When you finally arrive don’t look or speak to her , just go to a table, grab a chair and sit on it. She’ll soon follow. Do not smile no matter what you do. Except to the waitress when she comes to take your order. Be sure to wink at her (at the waitress). Sit there without saying nothing for about 2 or 3 minutes.

Be absolutely COOL. Don’t betray any emotion towards her (towards the spouse or girlfriend) . When you do finally talk the first words that have to come out of your mouth must be :

“- Honey, I’ve cheated on you! ”

She’ll probably look surprised and demand for an explanation. Don’t give it to her. Don’t say anything!Don’t look at her.  Hopefully she’ll get up and leave. But probably not.  She’ll want another chance. Grab a really disgusted look on your face and say :

“- I’ve cheated on you with two different persons. ”

Hopefully she’ll get up and leave. But trust me that won’t be the case. By this time the waitress should have returned with your coffees.  Smile at her, say that you would like your coffee “to go” and ask for her phone number.  (not the girlfriends) .

Now return to your girlfriend or spouse and say.

“-Listen! Can’t you take a hint? I really wanted to break of with you nicely but you make things impossible for me!”

By now she’ll probably be speechless or gone. If she insists just leave without saying anything. If she comes after you begging you to return to her or if she just acts like a little bitch tell her you’ll go to the police or sue her for harassment. If she continues SUE her for harassment and go to the police. Buy the waitress something nice. 😉

Remember!!! YOU ARE THE VICTIM!

Number 2

Don’t EVER..I repeat EVER..brake up with your girl on the telephone. That will be stupid. Sent her an SMS instead. Much cheaper and can save you the embarrassment. Just say :

“Honey..this last couple of years have been wonderful. I really loved you with all my heart. But as people mature they find themselves wanting something more and better. That’s exactly what happened to me. I don’t want to see you again or talk to you. I’m truly sorry but our relationship can’t go any further.

P.S You can keep the presents from me. But can you mail me back that teddy-bear that I bought for you last Valentine’s? I really like it and that’s at least you could do for me considering all the things we’ve been through.

P.S 2 Don’t call me! ”

See? Easy! Not as dramatic as number 1 but still a great way.

Number 3

You’ll find yourself sometimes cuddling near your girlfriend and exchanging kisses right after receiving some sweet loving from her. That’s the perfect moment to break up with her. You might want to say something like this :

“-Hey..did you notice our sex life got really bad recently? ”

She’ll ask what do you mean. You can say :

“I don’t know..it’s just..BAD. I’m bored! ”

She’ll probably start to smile now and ask you if you want to do something kinky! That’s what she’s been waiting you know? 😉 Hm..why not? Do that! Do something really perverted. Remember. This could be your last chance.

After you finish..just tell her :

“-Wow..that was amazing. Maybe we could do that again.”

Shell tell you of course and probably come up with another screwy , kinky idea.

That’s the moment you have been waiting for. Just say :

“-Honey.. you’re amazing..and beautiful..you really are! But I can see myself doing the things that I’ve just done to you to the mother of my children. You’re kind of a slut so I don’t want to be in a relationship with you! ” Act really sad.

Still tell her the sex was great and that she can call you anytime. Emphasize that she can only call you FOR SEX! Nothing more! Now you can leave.

Number 4

Sent her a e-mail. A really formal one. Like :

”             Dear “Honey”

As required by my contract of employment, I hereby give you one week’s notice of my intention to leave my position as you boyfriend.

I have decided it’s time to move on and I have accepted a position elsewhere. This was not an easy decision and took a lot of consideration.  However I’m confident my new role will help me to move towards some of the goals I have to finding a better girlfriend.

Please be assured that I will do all I can to assist in the smooth transfer of my responsibilities before leaving

I wish both you and your future boyfriend every good fortune and I would like to thank you for all the wonderful sex you have provided.

Yours sincerely, YOUR NAME ”

Number 5

Ok..so..when you first see your girlfriend say something like this to her :

” Honey…you now..this last 2 years..I really tried to think at you as more than my friend but it’s not working. I just can’t see you as my girlfriend. I just don’t care about you that way. I hope you can understand. Still we can be best of friends. But I’m extremely sorry that I can’t care for you as I would for my girlfriend. Not in that way at least ”

She’ll understand. They know what it’s like just being friends to someone and not being able to care for them more  than just as friends.

You know that don’t you? 🙂

Oh..and this we’ll be a good time to ask your new friend for some messenger id’s of some of her girlfriends 😉 . You must get back in the dating business as soon as possible. Explain that to her. Explain that is best for you to jump right in and not thinking about the things that were.

Number 6

Ok..this is a hard one. This is for girlfriends that just won’t take a hint. I can’t stand them!

You’ll need some help for this one! Ask one of your friends to help you. You must make sure that your girlfriend and the friend that you asked for help don’t know each other. And you must be prepared to pay your friend big time! Probably the payment will be in beers. I don’t know!

So..call your girlfriend and meet her in a private place! Really private ! Like her place or your place. Bring your friend.

Ask her to sit down.  You sit down next to your friend (very important) not next to your girlfriend. With a sad and concerned look on your face say :

“- Honey…I love you…but I’ve just realized that I’m gay!! ”

She’ll be acting all bitchy now and really surprised. Just get it over with! Explain to her that your friend’s name is Mike or w/e and that you met him during a work trip. Explain to her that things just went downhill from there and that you fell in love. Tell her that he can offer you so much that she can’t and that you are finally  happy.

She will probably be speechless by now. Just start rubbing your friends leg for a bit and tell her again how sorry you are and that you wish her best of luck. Don’t freaking kiss him! That would really be GAY. If she wants proof or something just tell her that your boyfriend and you are not affectionate when other people are around. Tell her  that ruins your karma or something.

Now leave and go to a local pub, bar, club and pay the man!!

“Two beers for me and two for  my buddy please!!”

You’re in morning now after the break up! Don’t stay still. Go “hunting”!

🙂

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